I lost my heart and a piece of my soul this weekend.
My heart has sunk and hasn’t returned.
My soul craves the next competition because I know I can win.
I know I can win because I have won in the past.
For today, I am raw with emotion.
Losing* stings my heart and a piece of my soul.
Eleven months ago I made a choice to step outside my comfort zone.
One of the first things I did was to join Toastmasters – and not because I can speak in public.
I joined Toastmasters because every part of the experience terrifies me.
My Ice Breaker speech was complete with umms, ahs, shaky hands and white knuckles.
While I was glad it was over, I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into.
I can write speeches. I don’t speak them – especially in public.
In March I won the East Valley Echoes club speech contest and went on to win the Area contest.
I was on my way to the Division contest with my speech called Just Outside the Comfort Zone.
This was mine to lose.
I was well-prepared and well-delivered.
I went about 12 seconds over on the allowed speech time and was disqualified.
12 seconds and my heart and soul were left in that room.
12 seconds and my ego is bruised more than I understand.
12 seconds that keep me awake at night.
12 seconds that leave me craving the next competition.
I haven’t figured out the life lesson in this yet.
Maybe it is to continue on my journey outside the comfort zone.
Maybe it’s to pick up my heart and a little bit of my soul and compete again.
*Maybe it isn’t losing; it is figuring out how I improve for the next time.
For today, I am shedding a tear and massaging my bruised ego.
This one hurt a little more than I care to admit.